Poem Dump
It was June and the rains came
As an unwanted salesman
Knocking at your door,
Demanding your attention.
I could feel the weight,
Raindrops accumulating on my skin,
In my hair, coming together.
The sky was turning gray,
Hints of summer hidden,
the thrum of nature’s loudest call,
Sounded still,
Too far to be real.
And just as I stared into the sky
Wondering if it was all a grand trick
Clouds opened up and cried,
They cried and cried, winds screaming and
Lightning dancing, an angry symphony,
And I took it all in.
VVV
My heart,
Steady,
A quiet thunderstorm.
A reprieve from
Feelings, emotions.
My head,
Restless.
A rolling sea,
Should Would Could
No Maybe Yes
Never ending loops.
My nerves soar,
My breath quickens,
My eyes dilate,
My hands shake,
My stomach flips,
My heart,
Hurts.
A hurricane.
VVV
You took my words,
After I’ve screamed at you
Yelling through the door.
After I’ve sobbed your name,
My voice reaching a tone,
Above desperate, above sane.
You took them away,
When your back became a step too far
When your eyes went hollow
and your soft lips turned into
A hard line I couldn’t cross.
Now I’m left with empty spaces,
Large rooms and too-big beds,
Betraying myself into foolish hopes.
VVV
I’m so sick with disappointment.
I phone work,
I say, Sorry, Today is a bad day,
Actually, a really, really
Bad day.
Click.
That’s the first sound
I can’t hear. I know the call ended,
but I didn’t hear it.
Then the room starts to shrink,
Noise being squeezed out.
The murmurs on the street,
the hum of the heater,
the drops of a leaking faucet,
the beating of my heart?
I can’t hear it.
The only sound that fills my ears
Is the rattling of words in my head:
Empty. Useless. Lonely.
Heavy. Broken. Quiet.
Alone. Very, very, very sad.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
The words turn into chants
and I feel my body disappearing
The weight of my problems
Replacing me, and now,
I know, Today is the Worst Day.
I let those words become me,
Engulf me. I sink into them,
I let the sickness takeover.
VVV
My fingers are numb
But the sun is warm
and I-
I need this.
People pass me,
Crash around me.
I just want to scream.
Somehow,
Somehow the tilt of the earth
Keeps me grounded and I
Feel valid. I am valid.
The sun shines
Always, softening me,
Reminding me I deserve
This-
Happiness,
Tenderness.
VVV
Under the dirty fluorescent lights,
She looks luminous.
The star if the night,
With her platform heels
and smudged eyeliner.
The bus rumbles,
Exhausted, just as she is
Nodding off.
It’s been a busy night.
The horizon stretches,
Moving with the windos.
The sky is the faintest pink,
The loveliest orange,
Like her bedspread when she was
So, so young.
But she doesn’t notice.
As she pats her pockets,
with half-closed eyes,
Hoping for sleep, for rest,
for dreams.
VVV
The more my heart breaks inside
the more each piece falls off,
the tenuous relationship
that rests within me breaks,
and breaks
and breaks
and breaks
and breaks
To one million and one
Tiny, tiny pieces.
I’m left only knowing
How to show teeth, not smile.
And all the while,
I’m begging this degradation to finish,
To hurry.
Because I can’t take
Knowing what will finally happen
When my heart is broken.
VVV
As you remember the soft kisses
He gave and the whispered promises
He sang, you forget
The bruises he left and the promises
He broke and the loneliness
That took shelter in your heart
When he never came home.
You must never forget
Happiness, just as you cannot
Forget sadness.