Poem Dump

It was June and the rains came

As an unwanted salesman

Knocking at your door,

Demanding your attention.

I could feel the weight,

Raindrops accumulating on my skin,

In my hair, coming together.

The sky was turning gray,

Hints of summer hidden,

the thrum of nature’s loudest call,

Sounded still,

Too far to be real.

And just as I stared into the sky

Wondering if it was all a grand trick

Clouds opened up and cried,

They cried and cried, winds screaming and

Lightning dancing, an angry symphony,

And I took it all in.

VVV

My heart,

Steady,

A quiet thunderstorm.

A reprieve from

Feelings, emotions.

My head,

Restless.

A rolling sea,

Should Would Could

No Maybe Yes

Never ending loops.

My nerves soar,

My breath quickens,

My eyes dilate,

My hands shake,

My stomach flips,

My heart,

Hurts.

A hurricane.

VVV

You took my words,

After I’ve screamed at you

Yelling through the door.

After I’ve sobbed your name,

My voice reaching a tone,

Above desperate, above sane.

You took them away,

When your back became a step too far

When your eyes went hollow

and your soft lips turned into

A hard line I couldn’t cross.

Now I’m left with empty spaces,

Large rooms and too-big beds,

Betraying myself into foolish hopes.

VVV

I’m so sick with disappointment.

I phone work,

I say, Sorry, Today is a bad day,

Actually, a really, really

Bad day.

Click.

That’s the first sound

I can’t hear. I know the call ended,

but I didn’t hear it.

Then the room starts to shrink,

Noise being squeezed out.

The murmurs on the street,

the hum of the heater,

the drops of a leaking faucet,

the beating of my heart?

I can’t hear it.

The only sound that fills my ears

Is the rattling of words in my head:

Empty. Useless. Lonely.

Heavy. Broken. Quiet.

Alone. Very, very, very sad.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

The words turn into chants

and I feel my body disappearing

The weight of my problems

Replacing me, and now,

I know, Today is the Worst Day.

I let those words become me,

Engulf me. I sink into them,

I let the sickness takeover.

VVV

My fingers are numb

But the sun is warm

and I-

I need this.

People pass me,

Crash around me.

I just want to scream.

Somehow,

Somehow the tilt of the earth

Keeps me grounded and I

Feel valid. I am valid.

The sun shines

Always, softening me,

Reminding me I deserve

This-

Happiness,

Tenderness.

VVV

Under the dirty fluorescent lights,

She looks luminous.

The star if the night,

With her platform heels

and smudged eyeliner.

The bus rumbles,

Exhausted, just as she is

Nodding off.

It’s been a busy night.

The horizon stretches,

Moving with the windos.

The sky is the faintest pink,

The loveliest orange,

Like her bedspread when she was

So, so young.

But she doesn’t notice.

As she pats her pockets,

with half-closed eyes,

Hoping for sleep, for rest,

for dreams.

VVV

The more my heart breaks inside

the more each piece falls off,

the tenuous relationship

that rests within me breaks,

and breaks

and breaks

and breaks

and breaks

To one million and one

Tiny, tiny pieces.

I’m left only knowing

How to show teeth, not smile.

And all the while,

I’m begging this degradation to finish,

To hurry.

Because I can’t take

Knowing what will finally happen

When my heart is broken.

VVV

As you remember the soft kisses

He gave and the whispered promises

He sang, you forget

The bruises he left and the promises

He broke and the loneliness

That took shelter in your heart

When he never came home.

You must never forget

Happiness, just as you cannot

Forget sadness.